Wanted: New Friends

2007-04-28T15:20:00.000-07:00

The MMOG world has never really made sense to me. For years, my friends have been playing online games and I have never really joined in on the so-called fun. I guess it started before these multiplayer games really became massive (or at least before my friends found out about the massive ones).

In high school, many of my friends would gather in a circle by the ‘sophomore tree’ and discuss their latest adventures in the world of CounterStrike. I would stand around listening and wondering what was wrong with these people – I just wanted to have a normal conversation, but since I didn’t know what a ‘deagle’ or the ‘Iceworld’ was I just had to sit and listen to their seemingly incoherent ramblings.

How could they be so obsessed with a game that they could have discussions about it for an hour and fifteen minutes (both brunch and lunch) without pause every single day? This would happen literally every day for several months, until, eventually, they took a break long enough from their scrim-speak that I could tell them how the cafeteria garlic bread was ‘kinda dry.’ In hindsight, I guess it’s no surprise that they hadn’t been listening to me all along.

After CounterStrike (and Fantasy Football) had come and (somewhat) gone, there were some good times. That is, until Blizzard’s 2004 release of World of Warcraft. Never have I seen so many people get so ‘addicted’ to something that I find to be so mediocre. I use the word addicted because I am no expert on psychological matters and, as a layman, am allowed throw it around willy-nilly.

Anyone who is friends with an MMO gamer -- or is a MMOGer themselves -- knows the symptoms of excessive gaming. These are not limited to WoW players. If you play Everquest, Lineage, LOTR, Final Fantasy, etc. the symptoms will be the same (Note: Guitar Hero symptoms may be similar.). Here they are:

Lack of control – Have you been ignoring phone calls due to MMOing? Have you lied about how you’re not feeling well and you have to go home early only to end up staring at Ogres until dawn? Would you skip true love for a glimpse of Onyxia (perhaps the two are not mutually exclusive)? The answer to all of the above is most likely yes. At best, you don’t feel good about this fact. I say at best, because chances are you don’t ‘feel’ at all anymore.

Lack of social interaction – Maybe that friend you made with the unnaturally low voice from Ohio thinks that the racist jokes you make over Ventrilo are funny (unfortunately for you, he is likely either an unloved creep or a bigoted chat bot; probably the latter). The fact remains that sitting in online chats and talking into an oversized headset for 12 hours every day don’t really count as true interaction with humans.

Lack of appetite – While waking up at 4pm may delete or force the combination of certain meals, there are other factors at work here. If you a) expend as few as possible calories during your entire day and b) only reward your body with Hot Pockets/Mountain Dew then, naturally, you will experience c) a bodily coup against anymore toxic-yellow diabetic poison and/or faux pepperoni calzones.

Since I have no clinical experience all I can really do is be cynical about the subject. From what I have seen, if you’re a compulsive player, you are already aware of the fact and don’t really wish to change it. You’re Tom Hanks in Castaway, so just accept that you’re going to be mostly interacting with inanimate objects for a while. Enjoy your time; hope that your family and friends don’t disown you; and realize that there is a ‘real’ world outside of Azeroth, Norrath, and Elmore, waiting for you to leave.

And if you’re like me, forced to watch loved ones sink deeper and deeper into these virtual worlds, understand that friends don’t last forever – so go find new ones. And if you can’t let go of your MMO fiends then simply enter their online world, instant message them incessantly and expect half hour delays between responses. Hell, you might as well create your own avatar – just to keep you busy while you wait.

A n00b's look at MMOs

Wanted: New Friends